Star Wars: random thoughts
Watching Star Wars 4: A New Hope, and a few thoughts have crossed my mind...
Like, was Darth Vader just really worn out from having taken out all those rebel soldiers at the end of "Rogue One"? Like, did he turn to that division of stormtroopers before boarding the Tantive IV and say "hey, you guys can take this one, right? I've got like this massive post-force headache just now...."
Also, do a lot of droids happen to stroll down that one gully on Tatooine? Because it seems like those Jawas get a lot of business in droid theft just by hanging out there.
Also, I realize R2 is a bit of a sociopath, but Threepio is REALLY a jerk. If I were a droid, I would not feel safe around either of these two.
Uncle Owen is a REAL jerk, though. And, in his defense, Beru didn't need to remind Luke to remind him. He knows he needs a droid that speaks Bocce. Don't get between a tatooine man and his droid shopping, apparently.
Luke, know your droids. That's an R5 unit, not an R2. Jeez, come on.
You can totally imagine R2's subtext. "Dude! Don't tell this human dude about our secret mission!"
"Who is she? She's beautiful!" Dude. It's a tiny blue blurry hologram. You really need to get out more.
C-3PO is a serious guilt tripper. "No. I don't like you either." Damn, man. That's cold. And not two minutes ago you called yourself a "human/cyborg relation" - - well, yikes.
What's blue milk taste like?
Oh, never mind. Owen's the guilt tripper.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the amazing orchestration of John Williams.
Never trust Threepio to babysit your droids. That's the moral of this story. Basically, you can kind of blame/credit him for the next 3 or 4 movies. But then, who built him? Am I right?
Yes, Owen. There WILL be hell to pay, you cranky old prophet you.
Don't get me wrong, but those Banthas are SLLLOOOOOW. You'd think a tusken raider could move faster on foot.
Luke's alone with Threepio for like five minutes and gets ambushed. I'm really not trusting Goldenrod, the more I think of it. Trouble follows him like flies to a jawa face.
Ah, old Ewan MacGregor. At last, the voice of reason. Except this desert looks like the wrong place to wear that many layers of wool. And wait a minute. You totally know R2! You just know R2 is giving you the side-eye.
Not making this up, but the first time I saw this movie, I totally thought they said "cologne wars". I was really confused by that.
I honestly don't know how Luke didn't accidentally chop someone in half in those first 30 seconds of waving his new lightsaber around. "Here, hold this powerfully destructive weapon and just wave it around all willy nilly." "Will do!"
Artoo never asks for identification before playing the holographic message. Luke could've taken him to any old weirdo in the desert and played like he was Obi Wan, and they could've gotten that message played. Not a very good example of computer security, if you ask me.
There's a great short story in a book called "From a Certain Point of View" which addresses a letter sent to the Death Star HR department after Vader force-chokes this guy. Hilarious. All I can think of on this scene now is that going walking back to his office in a huff. "Oh, that does it! I'm getting HR involved! Force choke me, will you?"
This scene - with dead Owen and Beru - really freaked me out as a kid. Burning fleshy skeletons, man. That's rough for a 7 year old.
It's science fiction. Where floating droids torture people with.... needles. Wait, what?
"I want to learn the force and be a jedi like my father." (NOTE OBI WANS FACE)
I don't really like this weird CGI scene here. I think Lucas really jumped the gun - it stands out as being not-quite-good-enough-CGI. And a little pointless. Sorry, man.
Watching this one force-influenced Trooper just obediently going along with Kenobi's words, while the other Troopers just go along with it... this is how people act around their friends who tell racist or sexist jokes. Everyone gets a little awkward, nobody says anything. Yes, Trooper. Those WERE the droids you were looking for, and WE ALL KNEW IT.... but we didn't say anything.
Okay, look. If you have the death sentence on seven systems, you really shouldn't advertise it. That's just poor form. You sound a little bit like a poser - - - ooh. Sorry, now you have bigger problems, huh?
Luke's giving me serious "Wesley Crusher" vibes now.
I think they made action figures for like half the people in that cantina. And we bought them. Now they won't even make figures for the female characters in the movies. Who makes the decisions on that sort of thing, anyway? Look, we bought walrus man, hammerhead, we even got that little bug eyed dude that you only see on screen out of focus for like 10 seconds. But, yeah, no, we don't need a Black Widow figure, nah.
Cut back to the Death Star, where a group of old white men are discussing women's rights. Suddenly feeling a bit less science fiction and a bit too timely.
R2 should have his own subtitles.
I don't even want to talk about this new Jabba scene. Okay, no, I could talk for an hour about that.
Considering they're being chased by various imperial ships, Solo seems happy to break into fits of angry exposition whenever Luke opens his whiny mouth.
Tarkin. Damn. He's such a well-played character. Seriously, even though he's written as little more than an evil military politician, he is played SO WELL. I'm legitimately more afraid of him than of Vader at this point. He's elegantly wicked. Also, dude has MULTIPLE sonic screwdrivers in his pockets, so you KNOW he's a badass.
I've played a VR lightsaber game, and I'm definitely worse than Luke at this. I'm clearly too old to begin my training. That being said, you're in a spaceship, deep in hyperspace, so, yeah, let's blindfold the kid with the laser sword and tell him to practice. What could go wrong?
okay, more later.